


rising water

by Yellow



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: COUNTER/Weight Spoilers, M/M, Missing Scene, a bunch of people show up briefly, they just kiss...a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 12:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11402319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow/pseuds/Yellow
Summary: cass & mako, in the moments in-between.





	rising water

**Author's Note:**

> "Because you make me feel alive  
> In spite of rising water  
> Abandoning my car  
> About a mile from nowhere" 
> 
> This is the most self-indulgent bullshit. just picture me whispering “and then they KISSED” after every cass & mako scene. I hope you enjoy.

Cassander has never seen a Divine in person before.

 They worked away from the front lines during the war. It looked good to have a prince in the military, but. Just because Cass was the spare's spare didn't mean it wasn't prudent to protect the royal line. And then Euanthe got hurt, and Sokrates was exiled.

 And even if they had been at the front, well. Most Apostolosians who saw Divines didn't live to tell the tale.

 Cass enters Order, its strange, echoing halls swallowing them up. Cass shivers.

 “Mako?”

 Nothing. They start running, little video screens playing on loop round their head, technicolor images of impossible battles blurring together. And then there's a cockpit, and Mako is on the floor, holding the orb.

 He's whimpering, just a little bit. Blood streams from his nose. Cass swears and kneels next to him.

 “Mako?”

 Nothing. Cass touches Mako's arm, gently, then slides their arm around Mako's shoulders.

 “Come on, buddy. We're getting out of here.”

 Mako makes a noise when Cass stands. Cass looks down but Mako's eyes are still screwed shut. His fingers are white, clenching the orb. Cass pulls him a little closer and adjusts their grip.

 “Come on,” they say again, and move as fast as they can, leaving the eerie halls of Order behind them.

 Mako doesn't wake up when Cass jams him into the cockpit of the Megalophile, but he keeps his grip on the orb. He only blinks his eyes open after Cass has landed their mech in the hangar of the Kingdom Come and is trying to carry Mako to the med bay.

 “Cass?”

 “How are you feeling?”

 “Like shit,” Mako says. “Did I do okay?”

 Cass lays him down in a bed.

 “We got the orb,” they say. They do not mention Order walking for the first time in hundreds of years. Already, Cass is beginning a list of who may have noticed. Of who knows Mako Trig surfaced in Seabed City.

 Mako blinks and smiles, sleepy.

 “Good,” he says, and passes out again. Cass sighs with exasperation and smiles despite themself. It's like that a lot with Mako.

 There's just enough time for Cass to brush the hair out of Mako's face and pull the blankets up around him before Aria crashes into the Kingdom Come.

 Then everything is noise and chaos and Aria's panting. Every time, every single time Cass is terrified that this time, what they do won't be enough. But for a moment, their fingers are in Mako's hair and everything is quiet except for their breathing. Cass remembers the terror of seeing Order walk, of hearing Mako's voice stilted and contained. They breathe. This is enough.

 

* * *

 

Cass had never seen a Divine before, and they definitely hadn't seen anyone pilot one.

Mako is reckless and young and frustrating to the point of tears, but he piloted Order. Cass knows he's talented-they've seen Mako work. But to see him pilot Order, even for a few moments. Breathtaking. Horrifying.

Cass turns away from checking on Aria to see Mako staring at them. He's still lying on the hospital bed, just watching Cass.

“How long have you been up?” Cass whispers, trying not to wake Aria. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Mako says. “Is Aria going to be okay?”

 Cass sighs.

 “Yeah. You two have got to stop getting so hurt.”

 “Sorry,” Mako says. He doesn't sound sorry at all. He tries to sit up and immediately falls back down to the bed. Cass rushes over and helps him lie down.

 “Whoops,” he says, grinning.

 Cass can see, this close, that Mako's eyes are still a little unfocused. They put a hand to Mako's head- mild fever.

 “Go back to sleep,” they say.

 “I don't want to.”

 “Too bad,” Cass says, and pulls the blankets up around him again.

 They stand and turn to get a glass of water.

 “Wait.”

 Cass turns back.

 “Where are you going?”

 “I'll be back soon. Go to sleep, Mako.”

 “I can still hear it,” he says, lazily gesturing to his head. Cass feels a slow, creeping dread.

 Mako must see it in their face. “Just-just a little. I think it'll wear off. But,” he says. “It's-” He adjusts the blanket so it lies straight across the bed. Cass swallows. “Can you stay?”

 “Yeah,” Cass says, and pulls up a chair. They put a hand on Mako's head, move it down to Mako's cheek. Mako closes his eyes.

 “I'm right here.”

 

* * *

 

They go into the simulation and Cass wakes up to a new world.

 Mako and Aria orbit them cautiously as they process the news. Their parent-dead. Sokrates-ruler, of some sort. _Sokrates,_ Cass thinks. Sokrates. They had tried so hard. The shame of the years Cass had been suspicious of them mingles with the horror that filled them every time they thought about Sokrates killing the Emperor.

 They have no idea where Euanthe is. When they see them at the funeral, it's a relief, just to see them alive. They're wearing the sash. Proud.

 Sokrates looks at them sadly, strange metal humming under their skin. When they put a hand on Cass's shoulder, it still feels like Sokrates, but Cass cannot forget that their sibling has made a pact with a Divine, signed their life away. Worse, they cannot forget that it lives under their skin, under the skin of the hand touching their shoulder. Cass recoils slightly and Sokrates moves away.

They want to go home. They wish everything could just-well. No use wishing. Still. They think of their parents, their siblings, and the last time they were together, and how wrong everything went. The Apokine is lowered into the ground, and then there are no more Apokines at all. 

 

When Cass makes it back to their room, all they want to do is lie down and not think. But Mako is there, spinning around in Cass's desk chair.

 “What,” Cass starts, “are you doing here.” They run a hand over their face.

 Mako stops spinning and looks at Cass. He's oddly intense.

 “I want to help,” he says, and stands up. He starts walking towards Cass.

 “Okay,” Cass says. They swallow, look at the long line of Mako's neck. “How?”

 “Would it help if I distracted you for a night?”

 He takes one step closer. Looks at Cass's lips. The meaning is clear. “If you say no, I'll never mention it again.”

 Mako's hand is trembling, just a little. Fuck, he's nervous. Cass's heart skips a beat.

 “People went away a lot, on September, and sometimes-sometimes this helped,” Mako says, and steps close enough that his chest is almost touching Cass's.

 Cass licks their lips. Mako watches.

 “Okay,” Cass says weakly. “Yeah, okay.”

 Mako puts a hand on their face and leans in slow. When he kisses them, it's a little sloppy, but Mako is warm. He presses his body against Cass, and Cass kisses back. Mako walks them backwards and guides them to sit on the bed, then straddles them and keeps going.

 Mako goes for Cass's neck, and Cass gasps when his tongue trails the tiny, ineffectual gills on Cass's neck.

 “You don't need these to breathe, do you?” Mako asks, grinning, and Cass laughs for the first time since they found out their sibling committed patricide. They laugh and keep laughing, a little hysterical, as Mako moves back to their mouth. They laugh until Mako coaxes little moans out of them. Then the room is full of soft sounds: clothing shifting, heavy breathing, the little whines Cass makes as Mako nips at their lips.

 Mako goes for Cass's formal clothes, and Cass lets him. So what if they get ripped. They don't need them anymore anyway. They unzip Mako's ridiculous jacket, strip off his neon t-shirt. Mako tastes sweet.

 Then Mako is pushing them onto their back on the bed. Cass lets him.

 Cass lets him kiss their chest until the stimulation is almost too much, and then some contrary, petty part of Cass that it's getting harder and harder to smother rises.

 Cass wants control of just this one thing.

 Cass puts their legs around Mako's waist and flips them both. Mako blinks up at Cass, and he's so pretty like this, dazed, lips parted, looking for Cass to tell him what's next.

 Cass says, low, “Take off your pants.”

 Mako kicks them off with a crooked smile. He reaches up to cup Cass's face but Cass grabs his hand and put it over Mako's head. Light grip. Mako looks up at them, ready to make a joke. He wiggles impatiently.

 Cass says, impulsively, “Stop moving or I'll make you stop.”

 Mako stills and swallows audibly. Cass releases Mako's wrist and Mako looks at them, leaves it there.

 Cass raises an eyebrow. They run a hand up Mako's thigh. He shivers.

 Cass bends to kiss Mako's upper thigh.

 “I thought I was supposed to be taking care of you,” he says, breathy, and Cass bites his leg.

 Mako breathes in sharply and exhales, shaky.

 “I didn’t say you could talk,” Cass says, and licks the red mark. Mako shudders but says nothing more.

 “You're doing so well,” they say.

 Mako makes a strangled noise and tries to stop himself from thrusting up.

 Cass puts one hand on his hip and holds him down, then kisses and licks Mako's thighs-everywhere but his dick, which is flushed and full. Mako trembles. He whimpers when Cass moves close to his dick.

 Cass likes that he's loud.

 Cass takes Mako's dick in their mouth all at once, as much as they can fit. Mako jams a fist in his mouth to stop from screaming. Cass smiles around it and starts moving. Mako shakes and moans under them but he doesn't move his other hand.

 Cass reaches up and takes the hand muffling Mako’s cries, puts it on their head.

 They pull back for a moment. Mako looks wrecked: red in the face, lips bitten, tears at the corner of his eyes.

 “You can touch my hair,” Cass says, and takes Mako's dick in their mouth again. Mako's hand clenches in their curls.

 “Cass,” he sobs. “Cass.”

 His hand clenches erratically in Cass's hair. Cass pulls back for just a moment.

 “You're so good, Mako,” they say, and Mako sobs again as Cass wraps a hand around his dick.

 “Cass,” he moans, and comes all over Cass's hand.

 It's a good night.

 

A good night turns into a good week turns into a good month. Kisses in the hallway turn into nights spent together turn into lazy mornings. It's nice. Cass never had the luxury of a boyfriend, and while they haven't talked about anything, going to sleep with someone is just. Nice.

Cass wakes up and blinks up at the ceiling, half-falling off the double bed they managed to cram into Cass's tiny room. Cass wonders why the fuck Mako sleeps in a closet, and how he even fits if he takes up this much space.

Mako is plastered to their side, face mashed into the side of their chest. Despite everything, it's a little cute. Cass doesn't move. Mako must feel their breathing shift, because he stretches and groans anyway.

“What time's it,” he mumbles into Cass's shirt.

“Early,” Cass says. “We have a planning meeting in an hour.”

“Perfect,” Mako says, and burrows back into Cass's side.

“At least let me get on the bed first,” Cass says, pushing Mako towards the wall so they can fit.

“This is way better than my stupid twin bed in school and I always made that work,” Mako says, betrayed. “You're such a baby.”

Cass rolls their eyes up to the ceiling. “Don't talk about school like it was recent,” they say.

“Well, it kind of was,” Mako says.

Cass wrinkles their nose. “You're making me feel like a creepy old person.”

Mako pokes their side. “Nah, you're more of a creepy old fish.”

“The gills don't even _do_ anything,” Cass starts, and Mako rolls over on his back and mimes gills with his hands.

“We are a proud people descended from fish,” Mako intones, and Cass wonders again why they're sleeping together.

“You're blue!”

“Look, I own it,” Mako says. “I have the skin, the name, the dashing personality-”

“Sharks have dashing personalities?”

“Yes,” Mako says, and winks. Cass despairs.

“But anyway, we're criminals and you're a fish so like, does age really matter?” Mako says. “And who cares how elderly you are, you're still hot.”

“That makes me feel a lot better,” Cass says, but Mako starts kissing their neck and they don't see much of a reason to protest further.

“We're gonna be late,” Cass says, eventually.

“Let them wait,” Mako says, and attacks Cass's neck again.

“M-Mako,” Cass says, catching their breath. “I don't even think they know we're,” and Cass gestures with their hands. “You want them to find out by coming to look for us and finding us here?”

“AuDy knows,” Mako says, and tries to go for a kiss.

“AuDy knows?!”

“Yeah, I don't know how, but like a week ago AuDy was like 'No sexual intercourse in the cockpit,'” Mako says, sitting back to better gesture. “And I was like, 'uh, okay?' and they were like, 'Don't hurt Cass. We have link plus three,' and I was like, 'First of all, what does that mean, secondly, are you going to warn Cass not to hurt me?' And AuDy was like, 'No,' and shut down.”

 A pause. “I think I'm touched?”

 “You should be; coming from AuDy that's practically a declaration of love,” Mako says.

 “We still need to go.”

 “Fineee,” Mako whines, and lets Cass up. Cass gets up and changes quickly. Mako lazes in bed and watches them. He rolls out of bed and throws on a shirt just as Cass is almost ready.

Cass starts for the door but Mako grabs their hand. Cass turns around, already opening their mouth. But when they look down Mako's smiling up at them and he looks so happy that Cass closes their mouth. Mako leans up and kisses Cass, just once. Cass smiles back. Mako still tastes sweet.

 “You look younger when you smile,” Mako says, and starts dragging Cass down the hall by the hand.

 It's all very Mako. Cass's heart skips a beat.

 

They're late, of course.

 AuDy looks at Mako and approximates a sigh, then turns to Cass.

 “Cass, take care that this hooligan does not further injure you.”

 Cass looks down and sees their shirt is unbuttoned just enough to show some impressive hickies.

 Aria shrieks in delight.

 Mako yells, “Hooligan!”

 “It is an appropriate word,” AuDy says, as Aria grabs Cass's shoulders.

 “How long!”

 “Since the simulation?”

Mako is yelling at AuDy. AuDy is pretending Mako is not there.

 Aria shrieks again. “And you didn't tell me?!”

 It's not that it wasn't important, because it is, and it's not like they're ashamed of Mako, it was just. Private. Cass shrugs.

 “You're not off the hook-after this you're telling me _everything_.”

 “Fine,” Cass huffs, a small smile on their face. They button their shirt. Aria grins.

 

* * *

  

The days stretch long after they leave Counterweight. Orth has taken it upon himself to micro-manage anyone he can find, so Cass spends time in their room reading. Aria and Jacqui spend time together in her room and AuDy is shut down. Cass assumes they know what they're doing. They have to.

 And then there's Mako. Cass laughs every time they hear Orth forcing Mako to sweep or dust or clean yet another part of the ship but never rescues him.

  

There's a knock on their door one night, a few weeks in.

 Cass calls, “Come in,” and Mako staggers in.

 “Are you drunk?” Cass asks. Mako shakes his head, but he looks unsteady. Eyes wild.

 “Ibex is in my head,” he says.

 Cass stands.

 “What? What do you mean?” They walk over to Mako and grab his shoulders. Mako won't look at them. “Mako, tell me what you mean.”

 Mako lunges for Cass, taking hold of their face and kissing them. Cass kisses back on reflex, then pulls away.

 “What do you mean, Ibex is in your head?” Cass asks, and then Mako tells them about Larry, and Ibex on the beach, and Twelfth and Ibex's letters, and when he finishes he's got that wild look in his eyes again.

 “But can he see you?” Cass demands.

 “I don't know,” Mako says. “I don't know. Something can.”

 “Mako-”

 “No,” Mako says. “No, I-I'm losing my mind on this ship. I,” he says, and kisses Cass with the same fervor as earlier.

 This time Cass lets him. Whatever they're doing, with this, well. Cass loves Mako. They love Aria and AuDy too. But Mako-they'll give him what he needs. He's given them what they need.

 Cass kisses back. Cass kisses back, and Mako is frantic, so Cass lets him bite their lips and thrust against their legs and then they guide Mako to the bed and lay him down and slowly take him apart. It's sweet work. Cass takes their time, maps Mako's body with medical precision, until Mako is soft and pliant and blissful beneath them.

 Neither of them think. Not then, and not later, when Cass pulls Mako's head to their chest and smooths back his hair.

 “Cass,” he says. He still sounds wrecked. “Thank you.” He leans up and kisses Cass, lets his lips linger.

 “Go to sleep,” Cass says, against Mako's lips.

 For once, he listens.

  

They don't get time to talk about it, because the next day Ibex himself is on the ship, and Cass can't think about much else than the three Divines in their _home_. And Cass can't take their eyes off of Mako.

 Cass knows Mako, and they know the way Mako's jaw is jumping means that even though he stills sounds like he's joking, he's getting pissed.

 But it's Ibex. Cass doesn't really want to stop him.

 And then Ibex starts in on Mako always being alone, and Cass sees red, and AuDy reaches in to stop Mako but Cass pushes them aside and Mako punches Ibex hard enough to break his jaw apart.

 Shit.

 Ibex throws Mako back and Cass barely manages to catch him, slamming hard into the wall. Mako lands hard and they both sit there a moment as AuDy and Ibex talk, reeling. Cass distantly feels themselves shaking. Mako must feel it too, because he squeezes Cass's hand just once and then drops it.

 Mako stands when Ibex asks him to, and Cass stands too, looming, shaking.

 What else would the Divines take from them.

 Ibex reaches out and runs his hands through Mako's hair, a sick parody of Cass calming him, lulling him to sleep after he found out Righteousness was there. And then Ibex rests his forehead on Mako's, and Cass's palm stings from the pinch of their fingernails.

 Ibex steps back.

 Mako looks awe-stricken for one moment, and Ibex explains: Righteousness is gone, and despite everything, Cass is relieved.

 And then, Rigor. And then, landing in a field on September. And then things move very fast.

  

* * *

  

Cass takes a breath.

That was close.

The Apokine launched off September but for a minute there-fuck. Fuck. Cass breathes deep.

They barely get a moment before the Brilliance is jetting out of the Kingdom Come's hangar, flashing warning lights. And when it pulls closer- that's Jacqui in the cockpit.

Cass swears and docks the Apokine to the Kingdom Come.

Jacqui climbs out of the mech to meet him.

“Mako's really bad,” she says, and takes off running to the med bay.

 _Shit_ , he got shot all those hours ago.

Cass takes off running too.

When they make it there Aria's got Mako on a bed and is holding his hand. He's shaking and clutching at her; Aria's face goes slack with relief when she sees Cass. She starts whispering to Mako, makes him lay back on the bed.

Cass takes one look and snaps their gloves on a little harder than necessary, fighting the wave of self-loathing-if they had only had their shit together and taken the shot-if only they had sat Mako down and said, no, we need to take care of you _now_ -

Aria stays until Mako goes under. Just a light sedative, but he was still jumpy and Cass needed him still.

Aria's watching them.

“You okay?”

Cass considers lying, but Aria's Aria. She'd know. She already knows. The question is a formality at best. Cass says nothing, and Aria sighs and touches their shoulder.

“If you weren't all sanitized, I'd give you a hug,” she says, and Cass huffs out a laugh.

“Later?”

Aria smiles like Cass surprised it out of her.

“Anytime.”

And then she leaves, promising to come back when Mako's awake.

 

Aria bandaged the wound almost too well. It's pretty bad, and if Cass had seen how much it was bleeding they would have done something for Mako back in that cafe. And then Aria mentioned something about Mako flying towards Rigor.

 _Idiot_ , Cass thinks, and starts unpacking the flannel bandage from the wound.

It takes a few hours, but Cass gets him stable. Digs out the bullet and gives him some pain medication, stitches him up. Cass has seen Mako shot before, and this is worse. Whatever Rigor did to him will just take rest, and time.

Cass strips off their bloody gloves and sits down next to the bed, exhausted. They can see Mako breathing. Aria is fine, and so is Jacqui, and Orth-Paisley made it to the hospital, Maxine is on board, they're all fine. Cass does not let themself think about AuDy. They try to take deep breaths.

 

Cass is almost dozing off when Mako wakes up a few hours later.

He cracks his eyes open and groans. Cass is on their feet in an instant, checking his vitals.

“Are you in any pain?” Cass demands, and Mako grins at them.

“Nah, but everything feels-fuzzy,” he says, lifting his arm and letting it drop. “Why do you look like that?” he says, and squints.

“Like what?” Cass says.

“Pinchy.”

Cass suspects their shoulders are around their ears. They clench their hands together so hard their knuckles turn white.

“I hate seeing you get hurt.” Cass stares at their hands. “And I hate Divines.”

Mako squints. Gods, what is Cass saying. Mako's high as a kite.

He tries to get closer, and Cass moves to force him to lie back. Mako grabs Cass's hand in the process, and seems pleased with just having it in his grasp.

“You got shot too,” Mako says, slurring a little.

“Yeah, but not as bad,” Cass says. They should probably check on their shoulder once Mako's asleep.

Mako's still squinting a little bit.

“People are gonna try an' hurt us even if you aren't there,” Mako says. “I's not your fault all the time. We all have our own shit.”

He squeezes Cass's hand and then lies back, apparently spent. Cass squeezes back and swallows. They lean down and kiss Mako on the forehead. He makes a happy noise and closes his eyes.

Cass stays there holding his hand until Aria appears, looking a little more rested.

Cass doesn't really want to stand but she waits by their chair, gesturing, until they do. She wraps them in a hug. Cass can feel themself relax despite everything.

“Are you okay?” she asks, and Cass shakes their head.

She hugs them a little tighter, then backs up and looks at them.

“Have you slept?”

Cass is too tired to lie. They shake their head.

“Cass,” she scolds, gently. “I'll stay with Mako. You go to bed.”

They hesitate, touching Mako's hand. Then they realize if they argue they'll sound just like him.

Cass trudges down the hall.

The bed is too big. They do not dream.

 

It’s only a day after they get Mako stable that they bump into him in the kitchen.

Cass raises an eyebrow.

“What the fuck are you doing out of bed?”

“Oh, are you the fish?” he says. “Guys, come look at Cass!”

“What,” Cass says, and then they’re surrounded by seven Makos.

“Uh,” Cass says. “Okay. Hello. Are you real or are you some Mesh bullshit?”

“We’re pretty real,” the first Mako says, amicable. “We’re all clones of Maryland September? That’s cool, I guess.”

A second Mako pipes up. “Larry saved us from September. You know Larry, right?”

Cass runs a hand over their face. “I mean. Yeah, I guess I do. I-” Cass says, and sits down in a chair, hard.

“Are you okay? I think Mako would be pissed if we killed you accidentally.” The second considers. “Probably less mad than if we killed you on purpose.”

Aria walks in and Cass looks up at her just in time to see her face go pale.

“No one told you,” she says, towards Cass. She gives the Makos a look and they leave just as sheepishly as their Mako would.

Aria sits down next to Cass.

“He’s a clone. So was Maritime Lapel. So was Maryland, maybe.” Aria shakes her head. “They were killing them, Cass. We watched them kill Maritime, over and over. They let him escape.”

Cass rubs their hand over their mouth again, shaky.

“They said Larry saved them.”

“Yeah,” Aria says. “Ted’s taking care of them while Mako recovers, and then who knows.”

“That must have been hard, to see.”

Aria is quiet. “I just hope Mako is okay.”

“Yeah,” Cass says. “Thanks for telling me.”

“It was probably his to tell, but,” Aria says. “Of course, Cass.” She stands up. “Wanna go check on him?”

Cass nods and they walk down the hall together.

Cass stays there until it’s late enough that Aria leaves to find Jacqui and go to bed. She gives them a look and lecture before she leaves, about the importance of sleep, and that Mako is fine, and that they can always come get her if they need her.

Cass really, really loves Aria.

AuDy’s gone. Mako has all these…clones, and Sokrates has been trying to call. Cass feels an ending coming. Aria stops for a moment in the doorway and the harsh hallway light looks like a spotlight.

“I love you, Aria. Thanks.”

“Love you too, Cass,” she says, and leaves with a wink.

Cass falls asleep in the chair next to Mako’s bed.

 

They wake up to someone tracing lines on their hand. Cass opens their eyes and see Mako playing with their hand. He doesn’t stop right away when he notices Cass is awake, but eventually drops their hands to the bed, still linked.

“Hey,” Mako says. He still sounds exhausted.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I got run over by a small car.”

“Better than it was, right?”

Mako laughs. “Yeah.”

“I can give you some pain meds so you can go back to sleep,” Cass says, and stands.

“Aria came by,” Mako says. “She’s really mad you slept here, by the way.” Cass sighs.

Mako is quiet a moment, playing with the blanket.

“She said you met the Makos.”

“Yeah,” Cass says, huffing out a laugh. “Are you gonna give them names, or just call them the Makos?”

“You’re taking this pretty well,” Mako says.

“I mean,” Cass says. “It’s not about me.” Cass turns back to Mako. “How are you doing?”

“I mean, I’m obviously the first, uh, Mako, so I’m fine,” he says, but he’s talking too fast. “I-uh-Maritime, though, we saw them kill Maritime a bunch, and that really sucked.” His hands are clenching and unclenching in the blankets. “She found out, and kept trying to run, and you know, I was always curious, so what if I didn't run, or I ran too late,” Mako babbles. “I was definitely the first one, though, so I shouldn't even worry about it, you know.”

Cass walks back over to the bed and hugs him. Mako clings to them. Cass pretends not to hear him sniffling.

“Why did they let me go?” he asks, muffled.

“I don’t know. I’m glad they did.”

“It’s kind of nice, at least. If I die there are a bunch more Makos left that you guys can work with or date or whatever,” he mumbles into Cass’s shirt.

Cass pulls back sharply.

“You must think we’re really shitty if you believe that,” Cass snaps. “Are you kidding me?” Mako looks at them with wide eyes.

“Those guys may have the same DNA as you but they’re not _you._ We’re not replacing you. Fuck that.”

Mako swallows hard.

“Okay,” he says, shaky. “Sorry,” and he starts crying.

Cass pulls him back into a hug.

“You wouldn't just trade me out for one of my siblings, right?”

“Well,” Mako says, and Cass can feel him smiling.

“Shut up,” Cass says, and they sit there like that for a long time.

Cass falls asleep holding Mako’s hand. They’ll endure the concerned looks from Aria tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

 

Mako heals, slow, and Cass learns the Apokine. The strangest part is they don’t even have to try to learn it-it is them, it is their parent, it is their people. They spend more and more time there, returning to the Kingdom Come just for meals and to chat.

And Sokrates is calling. Cass can only put them off so long.

 

“I think I'm leaving soon,” Mako says one night, staring at the ceiling.

Cass props their head up with their hand. “Yeah?”

“I think I need to train the Makos. They're-they're really young,” he says, and Cass looks at him and remembers the kid who asked them exactly what was in their medical kit, the kid who accidentally bought a lifetime's worth of robots.

Cass kisses him.

“You've learned a lot, huh.”

Mako wrinkles his nose. “Okay, Dad.”

Cass laughs. Mako turns his head and smirks. “Remember when I punched Ibex, in the face?”

“It was hot,” Cass admits.

“Really?” Mako asks, grinning. “In that case, I should beat up Divines more often,” he says, leaning in to kiss Cass's neck.

“You really should,” Cass manages, gasping. “Greatly appreciated.”

Mako stops and looks up at them. “They haven't had that, or this, or.” Mako hums. “It's time.”

“Sokrates has been calling,” Cass says. “I think they want me to be Apokine.”

“Fuck that,” Mako says. “Do you even want to go back to politics?”

Cass is silent. Mako traces a line up Cass's chest.

"They're my family," Cass says.

"I don't know much about having a family," Mako says, a little wistful. "Guess I’ll find out." Cass turns to look at him.

"You, me and Aria are a family," they say. Nobody talks much about AuDy. “But Sokrates is family too.”

“Just don't turn into a dick,” Mako says, finally.

“I'll try my best,” Cass says, solemn.

 

They take the call the next day. Things go quickly, from there. It's amazing how fast four and a half years go by when you're head of state.

 

They hear things, of course, especially about Orth and Aria. There's the monthly sparring matches. They get to see Maxine, once, and they're so happy they walk on air for the next week. But even at the ball, there's more to do. They see Mako once, twice, and then he's gone. Aria dances with them, at least, in between dealing with ex-girlfriends and current girlfriends and Ibex and Orth.

“I miss you,” they say, and she laughs and says, “I miss you too.”

It's not really until the dinner that they get to see them again, though. All of them. Even AuDy.

And-it's good. It's really good. Cass knows this is going to be bad. Cass is glad they were able to say some goodbyes. Just in case.

Still. They slip Mako a note-sneak into my rooms tonight, I'll send the guard away. I want to see you.

Cass knows that if they die, if Mako dies, if Aria dies, if AuDy dies-the goodbye they have time for will never be enough, even if they all live long lives together. But they can try.

 

* * *

 

When Cass sees Mako alone for the first time in four and a half years, the first thing they say is, “Are you sure nobody saw you?”

Mako looks a little surprised, then offended, then grins and says, “I'm a spy, dude.”

And Cass hates they have to ask, hates they have to worry, but all they need right now is a goddamn international incident because Mako Trig is a spy, sure, but a fairly flashy one, and they are spiraling further into their thoughts when Mako wraps his arms around their waist.

“You're, like, extra grumpy now,” Mako says against their shirt, and Cass half-laughs, half-sobs, and hugs back. They take a moment to savor Mako pressed against them, to savor the physical contact they haven't gotten in so long, and then pull back and kiss Mako, deep and fast and rough. Mako kisses back, and Cass moves their hand to his face, sliding their tongue in his mouth. Mako gasps and then pulls back, panting.

“Hey, hey hey hey,” Mako says, hand coming up to rest on Cass's wrist. “We've got plenty of time.”

“We've got tonight,” Cass says, weary, leaning their forehead against Mako's.

“Exactly,” Mako says, and brings his hands up to Cass's face. “Let me see you; I haven't even gotten a chance to look at you.”

Cass doesn't mention that Mako was there for the whole lunch that afternoon. They let Mako tilt their head this way and that. Mako's quiet for once, and when he finishes he runs a hand through Cass's hair.

“Silver fox, huh?”

“It's been a long few years,” Cass says. Mako is keeping up his usual cheer but he's older too, wearier, more weighted down with responsibility. Cass can see it in the faint lines starting to appear on his face and the tension in his shoulders.

“How are the kids,” Cass asks, straight-faced.

Mako doesn't even blink. “The _worst_ ,” he says. “They never _listen to me_ and especially not to Ted-”

“I can see how that would be frustrating,” Cass says. “I personally had a loyal and obedient crew on the Kingdom C-”

And Mako's pouting and protesting and Cass laughs for the first time in a long time. Mako gives up his offense and joins them. And then they're leaning in again.

“Aren't you going to ask about Ted?” Mako murmurs.

“Absolutely not,” Cass says, and moves closer. “I saw plenty of that man this afternoon.”

Mako leans in against Cass's lips and says, “What sort of fish _are_ you?”

Cass recoils and immediately says, “If you bring him up again I am walking away.”

And then Mako is laughing, and when he kisses Cass again it's sweet.

The kiss deepens, and Cass backs Mako against a wall. Kissing Mako feels good in a simple way that has been hard to come by the last few years. They make out like teenagers until Mako slips a knee between Cass's legs and says, “Bed.”

They make it there slowly, stopping to kiss, and Mako climbs on top of Cass, leans them back.

Mako's breathing is ragged. Cass must look like a mess, because Mako's looking at them with some strange gentleness in his eyes that Cass has never seen there. Not so raw, at least. Clever, quick, sweet, but not gentle, not worried. It's been. It's been a long four and a half years.

“Let me-let me take care of you,” he says, and starts unbuttoning their uniform. He leans down to kiss their neck, their chest, and he says, “Cass.”

Cass jerks.

“Say that again,” they rasp.

“Cass,” he says, looking them in the eye. Cass writhes.

“Nobody's-nobody calls me that anymore,” they stammer.

“Cass,” Mako says into Cass's neck. “Cass,” he says, kissing Cass's jaw.

Cass is mortified to feel tears forming.

Mako notices, of course, because when has Cass ever caught a break, and then he's kissing Cass's cheekbones, whispering their name. He moves back to Cass's neck and Cass throws an arm over their face.

“I missed you a lot,” they say, shaky.

Mako pauses.

“Who wouldn't,” he says. Quieter, he says, “I missed you too.”

Cass takes his hand, and they make the most of the time they have left.

 

Cass wakes up first. Mako still takes up the whole bed, and Cass can't help themself. They run a hand through Mako's hair. He's still a light sleeper, too. He startles awake and relaxes when he sees Cass. Smiles.

And, fuck. Cass had thought, a while ago, that they were done with wars.

Mako looks up at them, eyes crinkled.

“Fuck, you're hot,” Mako says.

Cass rolls their eyes but they can feel their cheeks warm.

“What, aren't you used to hot people in your bed now that you're a spy?” Cass's tone is a little too light.

“Nah,” Mako says, and leans up to kiss Cass. “I think part of the whole deal they want me to work on is the 'secret' bit, so, you know.”

He kisses Cass again. “I'm kind of a fish guy anyway.”

This time Cass kisses Mako, a long, lingering kiss, the kind they didn't make enough time for last night.

“This is going to be really bad,” Cass says.

“Yeah,” Mako says, and Cass hasn't seen Mako nervous often, but he is now. “Yeah.”

“I guess just,” Cass says. “Just. Be safe.”

Mako just kisses them again, and again. Cass's shoulders relax under Mako's hands, and the nervous, flighty look leaves Mako's eyes.

Still. It's getting late.

Cass rolls out of bed and starts getting dressed. Mako follows them and proves a nuisance, kissing any inch of exposed skin.

“We have to go,” Cass manages, and Mako says, “Yeah, yeah,” and spins Cass around for a kiss on the lips, then another. Finally, Cass stops him with both hands on his shoulders, and ignores the way Mako's eyes are gleaming.

“Mako,” Cass says, serious, “I love you.”

“Oh, god,” Mako says, laughing, tears in his eyes. “Don't make this a thing.”

Cass kisses his forehead and turns to walk out the door.

“I love you too, you weirdo!” Mako calls. “I'll see you later!”

 

Cass pauses, but does not turn back.

 

* * *

 

Cass thinks of their friends the most.

They were a prince and then Apokine and they were burning alive and it _hurt_ but they couldn't turn back. Not now.

Cass wants to die an honorable death but it's easier to pant on the floor of the cockpit, head lolling back, so they do. They close their eyes. Mako's smile. Aria's laugh, the way AuDy tilted their head to punctuate their points.

Fuck.

The tears burned hot on their cheek. It was unfair. Aria, saying she'd done enough-no, _this_ was enough, Cass thought, furious. They beat their head against the floor. Fuck, it was so unfair.

And yet-

Sokrates, Euanthe. Their parents.

They wish for one ardent moment they had said goodbye to everyone. Properly. They hate the choice Aria's making and they're angry, they've been angry for so long it feels like a burning coal in their gut. They still wish they'd told her they love her.

But Cass supposes this is always the way things are. For a long time they thought they'd die on Counterweight, never having gone home. Things are always left unfinished.

It's hot. It's hard to breathe. Cass looks up and Rigor stares back at them, locked into place. Not fighting.

Cass hears the hum. Cass thinks, in defiance, I have done enough.

I have done enough, they think, I have done enough, and the cockpit heats and heats. I have done enough, they think, and it's hard to focus now but their mind is a reel of images of their life: Maxine Ming's grin and Aria's pout and AuDy's lights and Mako's hair, soft under their hand. Sokrates's hand on their shoulder, Euanthe's proud smile and Orth's appraising look, all running together, MaxineAriaAuDyMakoSokratesEuantheOrth and above it all there's the hum of Rigor and I have done enough, Ihavedoneenough Ihavedoneenough.

It's hard to focus. It's hard to breathe.

They close their eyes.

 

I have done enough.

 

They hope they're right.

 

* * *

 

Aria calls Mako as soon as she confirms the news, she tells him. She knew. She knew. But.

Mako is quiet when she tells him. All he asks is, “And AuDy?”

Aria starts crying again and that's when Mako hangs up the call. He made it back to the Rapid Evening base a few days ago, and he goes into his room and doesn't come out. There's no one left to see him cry so he does, until his face is rubbed raw from wiping his eyes. He curls up in a ball and tries to sleep until the niggling feeling at the back of his neck wakes him up, until he can see his clones going off to fight behind his eyelids.

Jamil, Jace and Addax come to get him eventually. Try to make him eat something. Addax starts saying something about how hard it is to lose people and Mako snaps, tries to hit him, and Jamil grabs his fist and Jace hugs him until he starts crying again, big heaving sobs, and they put him to bed and Mako feels like a little kid, and for once in his life he doesn't mind.

 

When he wakes up he's alone again, but that's nothing more and nothing less than Mako expected.

It's easier to lie there and stare at the wall and think about Ted and the clones and Cass and AuDy, but the niggling at the back of his head won't leave him alone.

Aria keeps calling, but she never reaches anyone. Mako disappears into the ranks of the Rapid Evening.

 

* * *

 

Mako doesn't have much of Cass's. Cass didn't have much, by way of being a prince in exile. And much of what they had-well.

Mako tries not to think about how Cass died.

And he has no time these days. He barely sleeps. It's hard, with Rigor in your head (it's hard, seeing your friends die every time you close your eyes)-so Mako is one of the Rapid Evening's most effective agents. They're very proud of his work.

But once. A few years after everything. He has to go to Apotine. Used to be JoyPark; somewhere among the temples there's some shit they missed. EarthHome, always reliable for being shitty and horrible.

He arrives on the planet and, he knows, he can hear Rigor humming in his mind, but just give him a second. Just give him a minute.

Mako slips by the barriers and guards, finds the most out-of-the-way place he can. There are fields here, like there weren't on Counterweight. Cass told him about them, once.

And somewhere in the middle of a field, next to some flowers, there's a little bare patch of dirt where Mako can dig a little hole. And he pulls out some gauze Cass used to fix him up once. Something they touched. Mako has so little of them left.

He puts it in the hole.

Rigor hums.

He crouches next to it and bounces on his toes. All these years, all these things he's wanted to say to Cass. He's getting older. He wishes Cass were here to make fun of the wrinkles he's getting next to his eyes, to scold him and tell him to sleep. Fuck, he misses Cass.

He doesn't even know if he believes in the afterlife. He doesn't know what Cass believed. Apokine something. But.

“Hey buddy,” Mako says, already choking up. “I love you. I should have said it. Should have said it more,” he says. He pauses. “I really miss you, Cass,” he says. “I'm sorry. Thank you.”

And then Mako covers the gauze with holy soil, and hopes this counts. Mako didn't go to the state funeral. It's not like Cass wanted to be Apokine, anyway, and Mako remembers how they looked that night, how wrecked they looked when Mako called them “Cass” and not “Cassander.” This burial is for Cass, and for Mako. Not for Apokine Cassander.

Mako guesses that even if Cass is just gone, disappeared into space, maybe there's some of them still bouncing around the universe. Like Aria sings about in her songs. Like the feeling he gets on the back of his neck sometimes, when he's walking down the street at night and the streetlights flicker at him in a familiar, exasperated pattern. Like Rigor's phantom singing in his head.

His fingers tap on his leg against his will. Time to go.

Mako tries to memorize the place, just in case. He knows he'll never have time to come back here, but. Anyway. It's time to go. Time to go, time to go, past time, Rigor sings. Mako opens his mouth to say something else, and instead presses a shaking hand to the ground.

Gets up. Walks back to places where people are, places where he can help.

Maybe he'll actually sleep tonight. A small act of defiance.

The thing is, he can picture it so clearly. Cass, disapproving, stern, but with laugh lines just starting to show, the same age they were when they died. Mako, anachronistically, as he is now.

“You can't live off those pills forever,” Cass would say, and frown, and Mako would mock them, and Cass would frown harder and Mako would go to bed and maybe Cass would join him there, carding a hand through Mako's hair.

He can hear Cass's voice in his ear, and for the first time in a long time, he can't hear Rigor at all.

“Go to sleep, Mako.”

 

Mako listens.

**Author's Note:**

> "When I wake, realize you were gone  
> So I sat at the edge of the lawn  
> Days go by, still no sign of your ghost  
> Never call, never write, it's a loss" - "Rising Water," James Vincent McMorrow
> 
> find me on twitter @erintherockerin


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